In.SAN.ity

Speeding to oblivion again... Sugar cube barricade dissolved before my eyes.. The sticky film left over is sweet..
What I know, is what you know.. But they say I know more, and they know it too.. I don't see it... Any bit of light shining through the holes I poke is a strobe, not the sun... You can share without love a life of fullness... or can you?

Confused the brain, and strained the heart.. pumping sugar through my blood highways until I get sick... But I can't let it out all over you.. The clean up would leave a new mess.. Buy more sugar cubes.. Build up more bricks.. Can I keep up?

What the FUCK am I supposed to do now?? Oh my god what have I done.. I fear the sweetness turning to bitterness..  It could crystalize.. and then an ice queen would be staring back at me from the looking glass... I must apply heat.. I must melt the crystalline from the pipes before it's too late.. How?

Running in circles.. Skipping beats.. Off time existence.. I am stuck to the floor.. I would scream but I have no mouth! It new.. That's all.. It's new and we need more clocks.. I'll be ok right?

Recovery

Hurts from tip to follicle.. the beat in my brain plays in sync with the sounds of my heart... in my throat the same song. I want it to be over... my happiness hindered by the over of the hang. If I close my eyes for hours in the early morning I shall wake with a new hope of recovery. It comes with a pain in my core that goes away when fed. I pull myself up, dizzy from the sounds of the voices in my slumber. A smile graces me.. I am tickled with glee. Have I forgotten the force with which it left?

Nearer to void

When the spirit is broken, much like a heart.. not much can mend.. Go on and on with the daily trend wondering.. what comes next? When a life so empty becomes so full then drains again I wonder what is the point? My eyes are going through a drought.. My heart anorexic and torn.. Sleep is a relief until surreality takes over only to be taken abruptly with the first light of the sun. Speaking to myself for hours on end, how will it get better when the only thoughts that cross my mind are tainted with the stench of your breath upon my skin...

Sometimes it seems easier to exist in a void. To exist in a world where no one is in it.. I figure the only one who feels this way is Irene.. who was with me and myself questioning the path with which we have followed on a skipping record for years counted in halves of 10. I swore in the first sentence that my fences weren't going to crumble. But what good do paper fences do when they are put up against a force so aqua it blasts the walls away with ease? We knew this was going to happen.. but we all watched as it was wrecked again by the scarlet tongue of the one who selfishly took all that was given to her on rent!

We are all at fault here. Not one innocent.. Not one of us is free. All bound by the chains that held us in each prison we chose. That prison was built with the knowledge that love exists here. So free form and so true. A second chance given was wasted by the ways of the faded ones who knew not what was wanted.. or what was needed.. The blind desire shadowed the entire show with one final curtain call. So familiar from the last cast! Disappointment and  bitterness shown through last time makes what's now a small smouldering mass of coles compared to the flames that burned our noses before. The smell of toasted flesh makes for a lovely conversation in the morning. One that I most surely have with myself when I am reassuring myself that everything is alright. When I lie to that doe eyed girl in the mirror each morning she looks back at me with a face that shows the signs of age. When that face duplicates the x-ray eyes you once gave me.. How is it ok to lie to the one you hold so true inside?

I awake poisoned stomach and  pulsating hair. I question the paintings put all around my head. Are they real? Or were they put here for me to view and interpret? An answer comes not from me. For if I knew the outcome I would have played my game differently. This mate is stale.. the stale taste of the forgotten person I left in to zeros and a lucky. The double ones of present still sing the same song. The melodies of a broken soul always ring louder than the rhythm of your broken heart.. still skipping a beat and repeating the same line until one of us dies...

Sunflower Changes.

I knew Agnes was thirsty.. but I fear going out there to give her water... The entire time twin orbs pass down the black river and I want one of those vessels to have the butterflies from my tummy aboard... Agnes sits there silently, but I know she judges me... I told her today that she inspires me.. and she gave me the cold shoulder.. That's ok.. without me she would go thirsty and would shrivel up and die.. She loves me, but she stands objective.. I've grown to trust her ever watching eyes..  I watched her grow.. She struggled to break new ground.. I waited for her leaving water for her on the surface to seep down to her cavernous home... To my surprise one day while depositing refuse in the garbage bank I noticed her fingers poking up from underneath.. I squealed like a young girl with blonde pigtails.. I gave her a shower and by morning sure enough an entire elbow poked through.. I admired her persistence. Each day more and more of her emerged from below.. until one day she was taller than me.. and pulling herself up and around the last obstacle.. she hid her face from me and I wondered when I would catch a glimpse of her smile.. she just wasn't ready yet... On a particularly bad day of swallowing broken bits of tongue and teeth and choking on some sentiment I looked up to the horizon.. and sure enough her beautiful face was half showing! Her yellow teeth and yellow hair shown full in just a few days.. She took her time coming up from her darkened birth place... Each day I bring her sustenance.. and each day she accessorizes in a new way..she becomes more beautiful each new day... I create the rain for her and her friends... and I enjoy it.. but when I hear the sound of circles upon the rock.. my heart falls into my shoes... and when they pass without letting the butterflies out a piece of my sky goes missing.. How long do I wait? when will I emerge like Agnes?

I told her she inspires me.. and all she did was stand tall and listen.. She is the role I want to model...  I like to believe that my fingers have broken the surface and the rest of me will hide until its my time..

Fresh aired lungs.

Innocent? in a sense with a scent of mint..
Sentiment... small testament.. not what i meant!
In a vest to invest in the crest of your chest
Its a mess.. its a stress.. and I'm not impressed

We invent, in vents.. to ventilate.. its been to late..
But I wait.. for the date or a trade for the aid of what's made
In our tale, it entails, some trails of entrails down the rails.

Inside, in your side of the pride that you ride.
Its a sign of the spine in the brine of your shine.
And you whine while you dine on yours and mine!
In this tent, this intent with intense shoulders tense
It's expensive, the ex is pensive was defensive.

Sensitive? i sense it is. it was his on a quiz but flunked
This is  bunk, i debunked that the skunk had the stank
Of the skank down the bank of the blank septic tank
Oh it smells, but it helps with spells that I felt on the felt
Now I melt with the quelle and swell of the well..
just a shell of the hell that i dwell.. just until I rebel...

By Stander...

The weak and desperate  collect their bugs in jars..
Poked holes forgotten with the sun burning...
Suffocation.. mass insect homicide..
A tear in the fabric of our eyes...
Next rain clouds under our eyes shower the soil of our cheeks..
Decay and rot of the fallen pests coagulated on the jar's floor..
Unrecognizable paste with which you paint your face..
Mascara carried by our ocular precipitation..
Falling from our chin melting atop the heart on my sleeve..
The caverns of our vocal chords echo this:
"Fall fast you loathsome... homicidal.. harlot!"
 Only deaf ears heard our chant..

Exposed

I guessed correctly..
and the sun hid behind a rock.
The glare of your shades
leave spots in my eyes.
I blink.. they move.
So I follow.

So seldom do these moments come..
words lost on broken teeth.
laying thoughtless in the dark.
I wasn't sure..

Now the days turn around.
the backside of life.
Under your eyes you carry it all.
Forget the last breath.

Inner Dialogue

I already peeled the skin.The fruit's exposed, fully ripe,
Do I have it in me to take one bite?
I crave that sweet flavor,
But do I risk indulging my sweet tooth?
Is it even worth one bite?
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hungry.
But I wouldn't say I'm starving...

Mimosa's

poisoned...
settled rot inside..
I didn't ask for this..
Go away..

I've waited to be faded..

 allowed to seep inside..
creep up and dwell within
until the sun rises again...

I've waited to be faded...

breath of the wind said
be careful..
but i've fallen
with the leaves
collecting in the filth.

Now I'm faded..

I dont get it...
I dont get it..

Spineless Delirium

exist with the flow
stand up straight
what surrounds you
is all blown out
and it echos all around.

Bliss taken apart
to break you down
defending the waste
in between the lines
the answer lies.


So sick of it all
but i still smile
to keep you fuming
get over yourself..


use it all for show
it washes down the drain
bitterness the taste
I'm not convinced
just another excuse..